A New Olympic Sport Is Born

By: Rob Harris

Our duly elected President has offered clarification for his belief that our schools will be safer if certain teachers are armed.

“’When the press covered it, the headline was ‘Trump wants all teachers to have guns,’’ the President said. ‘Trump wants teachers to have guns.’

“‘I don’t want teachers to have guns. I want highly-trained people that have a natural talent, like hitting a baseball or hitting a golf ball or putting.’

“He added: ‘How come some people always make the four-footer, and some people, under pressure, can’t even take their club back?’”

While I include myself among those skeptical / adverse to turning our schools into armed facilities, perhaps our leader’s observations may be more benignly implemented in the form of a new Olympic sport. If it’s OK to combine cross country skiing and riflery into a single event–the biathlon–perhaps the summer games would benefit from a sport that combines putting and shooting.

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